Monday, January 11, 2010

an open letter to Blake Lively...

Hi Blake,

First of all, let me just profess that I love Gossip Girl. Seriously, it's the most fantastic show ever. The drama, the fashion, the nairtinis - perfection. That's not to say I don't take issue with a few things. Mainly with your character, the totally bodacious Serena van der Woodsen. She's just such a slut. For real, it's wild. A married senator? Really? Aaron Rose? Really? Nate? Wait, I sort of love him again...

Okay, okay, so it's actually great fun to watch your character prance down the streets of Manhattan wearing ridiculously revealing ensembles and making questionable life choices. Her trampy affairs are a saucy yin to the increasingly (sadly) sort of boring yang of Chuck and Blair. Your character, though, Blake. You are not Serena. You are a real human.

Supposedly.

So, here's my issue. The legs. The boobs. The hair. The face. WE GET IT. Its aaaalllll good. You're hot. Girls everywhere hate you. Men everywhere want to throw themselves in front of buses for you. And you're rich and famous to boot. Congratulations.

But that's not a dress.

Your television BFF Blair Waldorf once said, "Tights are not pants!" And I think she would agree that a lace sarong doesn't count either.

I guess I just want more from you, Blake. More fabric.

PS: You look incredible from the waist up. I die. Flawless. But do us a fashionable solid next time and leave the pantsless public outtings to Lady Gaga. Thanks.

You know you love me, xoxo

SUILTSOY

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